"One Last Time"

Hallo!

Ich habe mal wieder einen Song auf Englisch verfasst (was auch sonst?) und ich wollte ihn hier veroeffentlichen.
Ich muss noch dazu sagen, dass ich mir hiermit den Kummer vom Herzen geschrieben habe und ich euch bitte, ueber die ganze Dramatik grosszuegig hinwegzusehen.
Wuerde gerne eure Meinungen hoeren!
Danke glücklich



One Last Time
Dedicated To Eric James Oellermann

I'm still awake after hours of trying,
And I'm still weeping after hours of crying.
Your only memories right next to my bed,
Your poems and love notes, it's all I've got left.
You know what I mean with "I don't regret",
And I hope that you're missing all that we had.
But time has gone by and the summer comes back,
It's exactly one year now, the time is exact.
Even now, I can still hear the sounds of the night,
The sounds of your laughter, the fading of light.

Chorus:
I would have been there, I would've listened,
Babe, there was no reason for you to suffer.
Now, so many people who could've helped
Are now destroyed and will never recover.

An endless disaster is caught in my soul,
This world is so dark, and this place is so cold.
In the frozen sun, there's the shape of your face;
Babe, this was a choice you can never erase.
And as I watch another day go by,
About to give up after so many tries,
To find the right words to explain how I feel,
What you did to them, to us, and to me,
Something innerly tears me apart,
That scream of agony, caught deep in my heart.
What do you feel when you see how we cried?
Are you happy now? Are you satisfied?
I guess your intent didn't work out that well,
Because you destroyed us more than yourself.

Chorus:
I would have been there, I would've listened,
Babe, there was no reason for you to suffer.
Now, so many people who could've helped
Are now destroyed and will never recover.

You know I can't fix the hearts you have broken,
When you decided to make this final choice.
And still after months, such a long time without you,
I would die just to hear one more sound of your voice.

I hope you didn't feel the pain of your fate,
When you opened up that heavenly gate.
I would have cared and told you to wait,
But I know you're gone and I know it's too late.
I know that you're gone and I know it's too late.
I know you are gone and I know it's too late.

This makes me sick,
I want him back,
To be mine,
Just one more time.
You make me sick,
I want you back.
Make me smile,
Just one more time.
Hold me tight,
For one last time.

Chorus:
I would have been there, I would've listened,
Babe, there was no reason for you to suffer.
Now, so many people who could've helped
Are now destroyed and will never recover.

And whenever you feel that this isn't enough,
Take a look at the dark world that you have left.
But I still see your face and your smile slowly rising
Every morning at the eastern horizon.


© Nice me

Rest in peace todtraurig

Huhu Nice me,
ich bin kein Experte in Englischer Grammatik oder Redewendungen, trotzdem liebe ich diese Sprache und ich lüge nicht, wenn ich dir sage, dass ich deinen Songtext wunderschön und einfühlsam finde ! Einfach großartig, bitte hebe ihn auf, vielleicht wird noch mal was anderes daraus glücklich.
Echt, brachte mich fast zum Weinen ...

Deine Kirsche

so schön! hab voll gänsehaut davon bekommen

Wow........echt klasse =)
Ich hab zwar jetzt auch nicht allzu viel Ahnung davon ob jetzt von der Rechtschreibung und gramatikalisch alles gestimmt hat, aber der Text ist leicht zu verstehen und super geschrieben.

Huhu

Wenn du schreibst "it's all I have left" kommt das mit dem Reinschema besser hin, oder?

Mich stört das zweimal "exact" in dem Satz. Weiß grad aber auch nicht, wie man es anders formulieren könnte, ohne den Rhythmus zu zerstören.

Wenn du das "Babe" weglässt und auf "this" betonst, kommt das hier m.E. auch besser hin.

Sind alles nur Vorschläge zu Stellen, die mir aufgefallen sind.
Ansonsten gefällt mir der Text wirklich sehr gut.

Man könnte doch für eins von den beiden exacts correct oder precise nehmen? Würde ja weder den Rhythmus besonders stören noch nie Bedeutung verändern.


~~~~

Ich finde den Text wirklich gut!

Danke fuer die Kommentare!
Und die Verbesserungen werde ich mir auch zu Herzen nehmen glücklich